Self-Acceptance: The Greatest Test of All
They tell you to live life for the bigger picture, but the truth is that there isn’t any, so just live for yourself, to be precise, live for the self-contentment.
We are so busy in this chaotic chain of finding out who we are supposed to be, we often forget who we actually are. It’s just like we’re waiting to go through some drastic change and by its end, we’ll have it all figured out for ourselves. But, the real question is that why do we even have to figure everything out? Life is a journey, not a puzzle, and definitely not a race. That’s just something competitive people say to make themselves sound less crazy.
If you ask me what love is for me, I’d tell you, it’s “acceptance”. And if you ask me who is the person most worthy of my love? I’d tell you, “myself”. But like everyone else, I’m unkind to myself. Yes, I did spent money on myself. I fed myself, cleaned myself. But did I accept who I am? No, I didn’t.
I don’t know when it started, the ”self-hatred”. Was it when I got my first pimple or when I failed an exam? Was it when I felt too skinny or when someone called me a bitch for the very first time? Was it when I had too much expectations from some people or when I didn’t have any at all? Was it when I broke someone’s heart or the time when I lied to my parents? Or did this all start when I realized I couldn’t save the world?
But at least, I can save myself. More like, I can accept myself. I don’t really know who I am, a good person or a bad person. Though, someone wise once told me that there is no good or bad in a man, there’s only the man himself and his choices. And I’m on my way to make mine.
When you learn to accept yourself, you become what they say in our society; shameless.
When you have been busy all your life modelling yourself according to everyone’s expectations, you often forget to make your own decisions and just tend to go along with whatever seems to satisfy everyone. But when you hit rock bottom, that is the time when you don’t want to get up for anyone else any longer, except for your own self.
I felt like a snake, who was shedding its skin but was so afraid as to what the new skin would feel like, that it kept delaying to get out of its old skin. But when it finally did, the snake felt more happier, like as if a big wall was lifted between its heart and soul. Life isn’t just about becoming something, it’s also about unbecoming. It’s about losing parts of yourself that didn’t belong anymore, it’s about letting go and moving on.
Self acceptance is easier said than done. It’s like looking in the mirror everyday and not hating the person you see. It’s not letting those Instagram models make you feel less about yourself. It’s not letting rejection or being dumped, pull you away from love. It’s not letting yourself feel like you’re nothing but a subject to getting good grades only. It’s accepting that you’re not a winner but you’re going to live like a champion, regardless of what anyone says.
We all try to live the perfect lives, we try to be smart and pretty, loved and popular, successful and what not. But most of us fail, crumble and wash up on the shore, feeling alone and useless. We are left feeling completely lost, so lost that we don’t even know what to pray for, what to beg for. Because for the first time, we realize that happiness was never in a specific career or a person, it was in you the whole time. But, you never searched for it inside yourself.
Take time to learn, to love the home built within the barrier of your skin. It can be as long as a month or a year. The most important project you will ever have to work on is yourself. Therefore, make sure you do your best on it and as Vladimir Nabokov puts it “..and the rest is rust and stardust.”
My life isn’t like a Honey Singh song, it’s more like a Frank Ocean’s song. A little sad and a little happy. But remember, there’s no shame in feeling pain. It only makes you more human. So, I don’t know who I am, or what I’m doing or where I’m going at the moment. But, here I am putting my faith in the universe and I’m sure it’ll take me to some place pretty.