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Regrets of being a Bookworm

To put it simply, these last four years (referred to as “the board classes” in Pakistan) have been nothing but long days and restless nights, worrying about when is the next exam going to take place, am I really well prepared for it or not or will i be able to achieve my desired results? Days have gone by like hours and I find myself in the final year of my “high school” life. Looking back, I feel nothing but regret. I’ve been thinking how different these last four years could have been only if I had devoted more time to making memories of me going out with my friends, sitting at the last bench to annoy the teachers, calling each other with funny names, bunking or having some crazy laughs.

 

Blinded by my ignorance, I thought that all that is important is to score the best grades. For some time, being first in class brought joy and I felt pride in that achievement. Friends and anything remotely similar to friendship didn’t matter to me. But as time passed, those grades, certificates, sashes and appointments felt tedious. I became envious of the people around me. I also wanted to be a part of those laughs, pose for those selfies and especially develop those bonds with the people around me. However, as I became more detached from the people around me, the confidence in me diminished. A voice in my head said, “You can never be like them.” I watched their laughs from the shadows of my loneliness. While they enjoyed parties and get-togethers, I sat at home feeling woeful of what I had lost and what could my life have been like if had it not been for my arrogance. I still stay up till 2 a.m. I still remain depressed throughout summers. I still cry in the darkness of the night. Believe me, I still do.

 

While many people might take this to be the whining of a 17-year old kid who hasn’t even seen the “real” kind of problems out there in the world, I will just say that this outlook on life shaped the four most important years of my life (till now) and God I hope it doesn’t affect the rest of my life.

 

The point of me laying out my (somewhat) sad, sob story is not to gather sympathy for myself but to warn any other fool like me who thinks that things like grades and marks brings real happiness in life. While it holds true that these academic achievements will ensure our bright future, I will advise every other “theeta” to get out there while you still can. Don’t complain that there is no time because there will never be. Make the time! Out of your busy schedule of school/college/academies, make some time to do the goofy/fun things with your friends. Make some memories which you can look back to. Because in the long run, the view from that other side, will be spectacular!